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Tossing Tactics
To toss or not to toss, that is the question… or is it? You may be unsure about having either the bouquet or garter toss at your wedding, but keep in mind that the traditions included in your celebration are entirely up to you. Including both of these traditions or neither is your decision.
 Catching the bouquet or garter at a wedding is no guarantee that you will find the perfect mate, but sometimes it's fun to try. Some people find the bouquet and garter toss to be in poor taste. This may have something to do with history or just flashbacks of your drunken cousin Ed's head appearing from under his new wife's dress with the garter between his teeth -- yuck!
During the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries, the bridal party would accompany the bride and groom to the bridal chambers where the men would make attempts at grabbing the garter off the bride. The bride would hasten the end of these proceedings by removing her own garter and throwing it to the masses. Fortunately for brides everywhere, that practice has long been retired and replaced with the bouquet toss. Some couples still do the garter toss, but many consider the tossing of the bouquet to be the main event.
The Bouquet
The origin of the bouquet toss is a little sweeter than that of the garter toss. There was an ancient belief that certain herbs contained in the bridal bouquet were good luck. In order to pass on this luck, the bride would choose a friend to present the bouquet to at the end of the wedding. Nowadays, the person who catches the bouquet is believed to be the next to marry. If you decide to toss a bouquet, it is a good idea to have your florist make a smaller bouquet to toss so that you can keep the original, which you may want to preserve.
- The Direct Pass: If you want to avoid the ritual of the single gal roundup, but still want to give the bouquet to someone special, consider pulling that person aside to present it to her. Or, if you still want the crowd's participation, you can make a short speech about why you have chosen to give your bouquet to this person.
- The Fake-Out: The fake-out is a close cousin to the direct pass. In this play, you only pretend that everyone has a fair chance at catching the bouquet, but you discreetly position yourself so that your body is turned ever so slightly in the direction of your wide receiver (a.k.a., the woman you want to catch the bouquet). This play is not for weak of heart or those who can't stand the accusations of toss tampering that are sure to follow. Me, I had no problem in defending my actions. My bouquet landed squarely in my sister's (and maid of honor) hands just as I had planned. Her not-too-discreet victory dance is preserved for all eternity on our wedding video. If you look closely, you can also see my brother give her a high-five. Well done.
- The Jack And Jill Toss: Another way to avoid shining a spotlight on all your single female friends, consider asking all the single men and women to participate in the tossing of the bridal bouquet. Who knows? Maybe love will blossom on the dance floor and your equal opportunity thinking will create some love connections. It takes a little pressure off both the single men and women present if the bouquet toss is treated as more of a game than a fight to the finish.
- Other Variations: If the number of single guests at your wedding will be limited, why not honor the married couples that are present? You can have the DJ or bandleader have the couples that have been married five, ten, fifteen, twenty, and so on, years stand up. The couple that has been married the longest is then presented with the bouquet.
The Garter
Does the idea of having your new spouse remove the garter from your upper thigh in front of friends and family fill you with horror or delight? If you are in the former group stop right here. Nothing I can say will convince you that this is something in which you should participate. If, however, you like the tradition of the garter toss, by all means incorporate it in your reception. Unless you are partial to striptease music, advise the DJ or band to play something else during the garter toss. Even shy brides and grooms and those wanting to avoid public humiliation can participate in the garter toss by incorporating some of the following tactics.
- A Little Privacy Please: If you are like most brides, you don't want the whole world looking up your dress. Who could blame you? For this reason, it may be prudent to be prepared for this moment by taking a little time beforehand to lower the garter from its usual resting place high on the thigh to just above the knee. That way, when you are seated, your dress will have to be raised only slightly, keeping both your modesty and hem intact.
- Above The Crowd: If your reception takes place in a building with a balcony or riser, you're in luck. The height will ensure that you and the groom will have a little more privacy and distance from your guests when it comes time to remove the garter. The bride should sit in a chair on the balcony or riser so that she is perpendicular to the crowd, limiting the view. The height from which the garter is tossed over the groom's shoulder adds to the excitement of actually catching it. The focus is shifted to the tossing of the garter rather than the retrieving of it from underneath the bride's dress.
When you look back at your wedding video and photographs, you can smile knowing that you did it your way. I wouldn't trade the memory of my sister's expression as she caught my bouquet and the little dance that followed for anything.
Photograph Provided by Robert Evans Studios.
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